Mandy and John’s story
Mandy and John adopted two girls.
Mandy spoke about the adoptions: “Many people consider adopting a child after many years of heartbreak and disappointment and wonder whether it is the right path for them. We decided to take the plunge and after a long emotional journey we now have a family.
“We were matched with a little girl who was two years old. The first month was quite traumatic as we could see the hurt and confusion on our daughters face but slowly she started to trust us. She initially attached very strongly to 'mum' to the point where she didn't like being away from me (even when mum went to the toilet!). Nevertheless, we could fully understand this 'fear of separation' and managed to work through it. What helped greatly in this process for us was that after the first few months 'mum' went back to work part time for two days a week and 'dad' also went part time and did the childcare for those two days. Despite the loss in earnings at a very expensive time, the benefits far outweighed this. Firstly, dad built a much stronger relationship with our daughter much more quickly. Secondly, he became much more confident as a parent and finally our daughter started to trust that mum or dad could be away for whole days and would come back again. This was invaluable later when our daughter started at nursery for a couple of days a week.
“Our stable and settled family life was ticking over nicely with all the joys that it brings and then we had a phone call, out of the blue, telling us that our daughter had a sister who had also been taken into care. Initially we hoped that the birth family would manage to sort things out, but a few months later we received another call asking us whether we would like to be considered as potential adopters for this younger sister. Again we had to make a huge and life changing decision to either tick along comfortably as we were, or send our family into turmoil, but in the process, gain another daughter and give our daughter a sister. How does the old saying go.... In for a penny, in for a pound......and so we contacted social services and said that yes, we would like to be considered.
“We found that our second daughter settled far more quickly, possibly as a result of her younger age (being just over 1 year old) or possibly because there was already another child. The two girls clearly like each other and make each other smile a lot, but we are currently experiencing some sibling rivalry from both girls (similar to many other parents of more than one child).But we wouldn't change things for the world and are sure that as our girls get older they will appreciate each other more and more and will find a great deal of comfort in the fact that they have been through similar experiences.”
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